Friday, June 27, 2008

...perchance to dream

Recently I've compromised my immune system through poor choices in diet, lack of exercise, and a sleep-deprivation process whereby I stay awake until the rest of the house is silent (except for the muted roar of snoring from the male members of our clan) at which point my brain begins an immediate, detailed inventory of every possible stressor I have or will someday encounter in this life, former lives, and future lives.

The result has been to turn the left side of my head into a fertile breeding ground for bacteria and other ooze-inducing organisms. My eye decided to redden and swell, in an apparent attempt to relive the pus-filled-fish-eye look that so captivated my groom the day we met. Meanwhile, the gaping hole where there once was tooth was not to be ignored. It chose to go with the slowly-increasing-dull-ache approach, blending in with the sore throat that was trying to fly just under radar, so as not to trigger bombardment by Chloraseptic.

These symptoms were uncomfortable, yes, but not really enough to draw my attention away from everything I was trying to get done, particularly since my mind has reached a point of exhaustion which limits its capacity to focus on more than one thing at a time.

It wasn't until bedtime, as I prepared for another sleep-deprivation cycle, that Mr. Infection brought out the big guns. "Oh, that still didn't get you, huh?" he seemed to say, "ok then, just try to ignore this!" and he hit me full force with an ear infection that seemed to strike as suddenly as if the Lord himself had decided to smite me for something.

I've never actually been stabbed in the ear, but I'm pretty sure last night gave me a good simulation of the experience. I didn't look in a mirror, because that would have required turning on a light - and I had determined for absolutely no apparent reason that a cool, dark room was the best environment for me at that point. But if I had seen my reflection, I'm pretty sure the face looking back at me would be some hybrid of the kid from Mask meets the elephant man, with a little phantom-of-the-opera tossed in for good measure.

Apparently concerned about being married to the elephant man, Julio suggested that I get to a medical clinic ASAP. Pish Tosh! (That's sleep-deprivation talk for "are you kidding me?") Instead, I chose to self-medicate with a little eardrop of hydrogen peroxide, and a "cocktail" of 2 Nyquil, 1 Dayquil and 3 Aleve taken orally. I fell asleep (passed out?) with a kleenex sticking out of my ear (drainage, you know) and woke up (came to?) this morning, with the symptoms pretty well alleviated (no pun intended).

Sure, I'll get around to replacing that tooth and probably get the ear looked at sometime or another. But first, I think I'll take a nap.

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